Well, remember the Oxyclean commercials? Yeah, Those were my favorite infomercials. It always made me wonder if the guy who did those commercial, poor guy dying at his age by the way, ever liked his job. He just sound so obnoxious, kinda like little kids yelling for candy but only it's "buy this new detergent buy this new dishwasher soap!". At least he made it look like he put his heart into his work, I mean it must be very embarrassing yet skillful to pull off each commercial cause all he does is yell, although he probably yelling louder and more repetitive messages of getting people to go his company's product is going to attract customers into wanting to buying. Personally, I would just ignore people who use that advertising method all together. I think only a few people can pull off such a method as a way of advertising to the people and the Oxyclean guy definitely is one of them. Another thing that what made the Oxyclean guy famous and a very well-known informercial, at least what I have heard, is his renowned mustache and beard. He was also in some beard dying commercial. Or at least some guys that looked like him. I could've swore that he was trying to pull off Chuck Norris's beard, but only what's behind Chuck Norris's beard is not a chin, but another fist. Well that's what i say about my favorite informercial, even though it was more focused on the guy rather than his commercials. He was still very good at his job, it's only a shame that he died at his age.
Well, if I had to choose I would pick the MAC versus PC infomercial. It’s one of those infomercials that isn’t so boring and is somewhat entertaining. I like how they did a series of those commercials with the same two guys representing Apple and Microsoft and how the PC was depicted as an older overweight male while MAC was a younger more attractive male. With the MAC being more attractive and casually dressed, it made him more appealing to the audience it was capturing, which is us. Also, since the theme of the infomercial was MAC versus PC, the MAC guy was always putting out there that MACs were better than PCs. Even though, I don’t personally think that, the MAC guy always had a valid argument for whatever the PC guy would say. The best aspect of the commercial to me was how the PC guy always put some type of humor into it. Sometimes he would wear a funny outfit or say a humorous pun that would liven the rather dull setting that the infomercial took place in. That setting was probably the one thing I didn’t like about the commercial because it made it not pop out to an audience with the background being this plain white background with just two guys standing around. I think what really makes it my favorite is because it actually stands out in my mind. I can remember some of the topics they discussed like the PCs were slow and how they crashed way more than MACs. But yea, so what is your favorite infomercial?
So... if you were on a blind date that was going not-so-well and the other person asked this question how do you think you might describe the infomercial? While the commercial IS funny ... do you think you might use this to illustrate/make up some character trait that might cut the date short ...? For example, if your mystery date was clearly NOT into computers -- Mac or PC -- and you started talking about this commercial you could, perhaps, go on and on about your loyalty to one brand or another and completely bore the other person. This would be IF you wanted to end the date early. Or, you could talk about the infomercial in a more animated way, perhaps describing WHY you were watching it in the first place, and try to break the ice by engaging this "mystery date."
In response to the first post -- I your date wasn't going well and you wanted to scare them off perhaps focusing on Chuck Norris and the fist behind the beard could become a good scare tactic.
I would be honest in my response to the person even thought the date is going terribly. I would tell the person.
"Well, that is a strange question to ask, granted taht I do not watch much TV nor do I sit at home watching infomercials very often in my spare time. However I do have a favorite infomercial. My favorite informercial is the one about the Magic Bullet. I was convinced to buy the Magic Bullet after watching only ten minutes of the informercial. Did you know the Magic Bullet can chop and shred almost any food material with-in seconds? You can make salsa or salad or chop veggies with it all in one. You can also make smoothes and blended beverages with the Magic Bullet. I purchased the product off the informercial and got the deal where you receive five party cups all with different colored tops so you and your friends can tell the cups apart. It is so handy, you should check out the informerical if you are ever at home watching informericals."
I would then tell the person on the date that, "Although I would love to spend more time discussing bad TV, I don't think we are very compatible. And I cannot see us having much of a future given the apparent evidence that we do not have much in common. So thank you for the evening, good luck in your future.... Im going home to use my handy Magic Bullet."
I'm not sure if I'm doing this right to respond to some one else Blog but in response to Wayofkon:
Number one, Oxyclean is amazing... I know the infomercial is convincing in itself but listen, I have total faith in Oxyclean. That stuff got black hair dye stains out of my parents white bathroom carpet. My parents did not even know they were there... Saved my but, Good stuff.
I am a bit concerned as to why no one is addressing the issue that if your on a bad date and they start asking you about your favorite infomercial, wouldn't you be like... "REALLY who asks that?" umm I have to go to the bathroom? Or oops, family emergency so sorry, I have to run!
Well I would have to say that I would start talking about Sham Wow. I believe his name is Vince, and he had me saying wow every time (not really). I would then start talking like he does and pitch the idea of the date coming home with me. Hopefully, if I do the infomercial well enough, it will annoy my date that not only will I never talk to them again, but I won’t even have to give them a ride home. If all else fails I would start doing a Billy Mays version and seal the deal of them leaving immediately. Although if the date was actually going well then I could just be cheesy and use the whole “I will have you saying wow every time” deal (wink wink). Although now that I think about it if I want them to leave or just be mean to them I would begin to start mentioning a bunch of different diet or exercise commercials. Talk about how much “Nutrisytem” could change their life along with a bowflex or some other exercise scam. If I want to make them jealous I could start talking about how much better the girls looked on the “Flirty Girl Fitness” commercial looked compared to my date and start thinking out loud about ideas that could possibly get me a girl like that, ultimately just to make the girl jealous for being such an awkward blind date.
I say “Sham-Wow.” Why, “Because it sells its self!” Not that I’m a big television person, let alone infomercial enthusiast, but this has to be one of the funniest infomercials based upon the way the salesman presents the item. He even explains how “Sham-Wow” was created by Germans and that the Germans “make good stuff.” Good stuff? Like who, Adolf Hitler? Yeah, this probably isn’t one of his better references. Oh, another great aspect about this loud talking, overly obnoxious salesman is his apparent need to beat women. Although the woman he abused just so happened to be a prostitute still doesn’t undermine the fact that he beats women. Then again I didn’t know “lip biting” was one of a prostitute’s qualifications……charming. Anyways, that has to be the most irrelevant question ever asked. I’m pretty sure there is no “How to Survive a Blind Date” book that recommends asking this question. In fact I’ll go as far as to say that a book like that, if it exists, would advise to totally steer clear of even thinking about an infomercial on a blind date. Then again, this ridiculous question did get me to rant and rave for a good 250 words so I guess that “How to Book” should really reconsider. So yeah after I respond to that question I’d probably throw some ridiculous line out like “was your dad a thief?” Hoping that she doesn’t actually say yes to that question and responds “No, why?” I would reveal the ultimate pick-up line by saying “because I think he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.”
SNUGGIES!!! Oh my goodness, they are the best inventions! If you think about it, its simply a rob… worn backwards, but really, whoever thought about wearing a backwards robe to keep you warm was GENIOUS! When I first saw the infomercial I stared at the TV, aw-struck by this amazing "blanket." Living in Florida, I knew I could use the Snuggies to lay around my house with the AC cranked up high and be completely comfortable. No more desperate attempts to get a blanket to securely wrap around my body. Thus, I immediately called and ordered my Snuggie in neon orange. "But wait there's more!" I got a FREE Snuggie to use while the other one was being washed. My second ordered Snuggie was lime green. When I finally received the order (the best day of my life), I ripped apart the packaging and tried on my oversized-backwards-robe. I lie on my bed and fell asleep. This was the life, I thought. My friends came over, after I awakened from the best nap of my life. We all took turns wearing the Snuggies. An orange and a lime danced around the room with small heads floating on top of the fruit. "But wait there is more!" I began to program tapings of the Snuggies infomercials. I watched them in my spare time as I laid in my new leopard print Snuggie next to my Beagle in his Dalmatian-print Snuggie. As my dog, Snuggles (named after the Snuggie), and I watch the infomercials you could feel the strong bond, between us, growing throughout the endless two-minute segments. I now have all two hundred Snuggie prints. I am trying to double up on the prints. It’s always a great gift (hint hint)!
Hello this is Kali. If I were on a blind date that was going badly I would do as many weird things as possible to freak the guy out. If he were to ask me what my favorite infomercial was I may start out by asking him the origin of the word infomercial to clarify that we are talking about the same thing. In fact I may ask him this same question multiple times, each time insisting that I have never heard of an infomercial. Once he hears that I do not know what an infomercial is he may try and explain it to me, giving me a perfect opening. Once he starts explaining about infomercials I will then act very irritated and threaten to get up from the table and leave. When he asks why and what he has done I will act offended that he thought I did not know what an infomercial was and possibly start either crying or flicking the saltshaker at his face. Then after making him go through all this I will explain that my favorite infomercial is with Billy Mays when he promotes the Awesome Auger. I would ramble on for as long as possible talking as fast as possible about how the scenes outside have the perfect amount of lighting, how the Awesome Auger really is awesome, and how Billy Mays does such a great job selling the product. I will end the conversation by breaking out in tears and telling my date that I am too upset to sit at dinner knowing that Billy Mays is no longer with us, and bolting for the door as fast as I can.
Dear Sean! HAHAHAHAHA! I love the pick up line. It is so classy. I like it more than the usual “Is there a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants”. I feel like most girls would find this offensive and the poor guy with the good sense of humor may end up with a red handprint across his face for the rest of the day. I feel like using bad pick up lines on a bad blind date may actually bring the two of you together if both had any sort of sense of humor. Or I guess it could also offend the other person and end your bad blind date early. In the end though you could always just say that you have to go to the bathroom and peace out of there. The only thing I would feel bad about would be leaving my date with the check.
Have you ever seen the SlapChop infomercial? Honestly, I think that's the best one. Not becuase of the product, but because of everything else! If you're ever on Youtube you should try looking up Slap Chop Remix. The video isn't that great, but the audio is awesome! I would probably listen to it on repeat. By the way, did you know that the TV Pitchman for SlapChop is the same guy for ShamWow? You'd probably know him from that since ShamWow is a little bit more well-known. So anyways, the TV Pitchman's name is Vince Shlomi and he was arrested a couple of months ago because he beat up a hooker who bit his lip when he was trying to kiss her after he paid her one thousand dollars in cash. Isn't that crazy? You should google it. His mugshot is ridiculous! That is what I would do if the date were going well. Hopefully this humorful aside will help us to be more comfortable with each other, because I feel that I am able to connect more with another person if there is humor involved. If the date were to be horrible and nothing like I planned or expected or if he keeps talking about infomercials, that is when I would know that it is my cue to exit the conversation. I'm not a very assertive person and I would never tell someone straight out that I don't wish to be with them any longer. So I would probably look at my Blackberry, fiddle with it, and pretend like someone is in dire need of my help. Or I'd just pretend that it's gotten to be too late to be out anymore. I would say it's past my curfew. And after I've left the building or general area we were in, I'd heave a sigh of relief.
Shannon, are snuggies really that awesome? The idea of a fuzzy blanket with two holes for arms to go through is kind of weird. If you look at it from the back, it looks a bit absurd because the back is all exposed. And if you think about it some more, a snuggie is somewhat like wearing a robe backwards! In my opinion, snuggies are a ridiculous invention. Not to be hatin' on your favorite thing. I'm just sayin'. But to be more positive about snuggies, I love the colors it comes in! Colors are cool. And I bet the snuggie is really fuzzy. Fuzzy like a slipper. Haha, if you put all of what I said together, I'm comparing a snuggie to a slipper backwards-robe for your entire body! The image that I now have in my head is a very laughable one. Who knew that a snuggie would lead me to think of all of this?
Dear Kali, your plan is priceless. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised to see it on a sitcom. But I think if I was a girl, whom I assure you I’m not, I would just sit there the whole time, perhaps text a ridiculous amount (probably the most annoying thing on a date), and not say a word. It seems like the guy has to be the one to “break the ice,” or maybe I just feel the need to do it so often that it’s become a habit? Yeah but I love your method of making the guy look like he just broke up with his fiancé in the middle of a public place. It takes a special girl to pull something like that off, well thought out. To be honest your idea of escaping this blind date as scarred me to the point where I’ll probably never go out on one. I guess I should thank you in a way.
If I had to describe my favorite infomercial I would have to choose the slap chop infomercial with “Vince”. This infomercial has some quite humorous parts hidden in its goal of selling you a food chopper, dicer and slicer. Although he is somewhat obnoxious as is the fate of all infomercial salesmen, Vince is still entertaining to watch because of his clever lines such as, “The onions with the skin. Alright, this is making you cry, it's making me cry. Life's hard enough as it is; you don't wanna cry anymore” while he is showing the audience how easy it is to chop onions with the slap chop. It also made me laugh when he demonstrated chopping up nuts and said you’re going to love my nuts...interesting. The combinations of foods that he uses the slap chop on are also rather humorous. He puts boiled egg, pickle, onion, and ham in the slap chop, cuts them up then calls it breakfast to go. I’d be interested to meet someone who would eat chopped up ham egg onion and pickle for breakfast. The catchy slogan of your gonna be in a great mood all day because your gonna be slapping your troubles away is memorable as is Vince’s promise of an exciting life because of the ease of chopping up your food. The computer animation makes me laugh every time. After Vince is done chopping up his odd mixtures of food the creators have added sparkles to the edges of the food as well as arrows in case you weren’t sure where the food ended up. If you haven’t seen this infomercial I recommend watching it on YouTube or any other source, as far as infomercials go it is quite entertaining.
Well, if my date asked me what my favorite infomercial was and the date was already going bad I would probably excuse myself to the "bathroom" and never come back. Is it rude yes, but I'm not going to talk about infomercials. However, lets say I had to stay I would say that my favorite infomercial is probably any infomercial with Billy Mays. I would only say that because I want my date to be like what is this guy’s issue. I would start off with something like this….Oh without a doubt it is any thing with my boy Billy Mays. He is so clever with how he delivers his presentation. He makes any product sell with his charm and charisma. I love Billy Mays so much I have every product he has ever sold. Not only that but I have a shrine of him; from a signed picture to his shirt he wore in the espn 360 commercial. I mean after any commercial comes on with him I rush over to the shrine and just sing his praises. I love doing that so sometimes I’ll sit at home all day just to wait for one of his commercials. Now if something like that does not completely turn off my date I’m not sure what else I would do. However with my luck I would be on a date with a legit Billy Mays fan and she would absolutely love to see it. In fact, why don’t I take her back to my place and we can wait for one of his infomercials. Ha yeah right.
@katie: I learned something new today from your post. Mentioning Chuck Norris and his chin fist is a good scare tactic. I hope I don't have to use such method for the future. Anyways, Although I haven't seen many MAC vs PC commercials, I seen the one with the PC guy is having a bake sale and the MAC guy comes by and he asked why is the PC is having bake sale. It turns out the PC company is not making enough profit for windows so they decide to have bake sales to help with profits and stocks. MAC guy asks the PC guy if he can buy a cookie, of course the PC guy says yes but he asked for a million dollars per cookie and they just bargain from there. Anyways, Yeah, going on and on about topics that doesn't interest the mystery date whatsoever is a good way to get rid of the date. Guys are usually the ones to "break the ice" in these awkward situations, but that's not always the case. Girls can do the same, but mostly it's with clothes and related work. Just like what Morgan's post (read her post for more info) had with snuggies, I didn't know what they were at first. I thought she was talking about Mr. Snuggles from Snuggles detergent. I have an angry eyes replica of Mr. Snuggles and I'm not ashamed of it because Mr. Snuggles is awesome, just like the carebears.
My favorite infomercial would probably be the one for Mighty Putty. That stuff can basically fix anything, and it was incredible that putty could be so strong. I also liked that the commercial showed a lot of different uses for Mighty Putty because it was like they were proving to us that it actually works. Mighty Putty can hold up to three hundred and fifty pounds, which is amazing because of how weak it looks before it gets activated. Also, I liked that it could be used in place of nails and screws. A lot of times, nails and screws can break surfaces such as tiles and glass, but with Mighty Putty, you can put up shelves and towel racks without risking any damages. Mighty Putty can be used to fix holes in walls, cracks in furniture, breaks in ceramic, and basically anything else you can think of. I just love that infomercial because of how versatile that substance is. I wish I knew how it works. And of course, another big plus is that Billy Mays did the commercial. He was so energetic in his commercials that people believed anything he said. He always made every product he advertised sound like the greatest invention ever created. One last thing I loved about those commercials is that they were really well done. Like I said before, the people who made the infomercial showed people many different uses for Mighty Putty. That must have taken time, effort, and some creativity especially when they got a semi-truck to pull a trailer that was connected by Mighty Putty. It was just really well put together if you ask me.
Dear Nick S., That might be a little over the top, but it would definitely be a funny story to tell your friends. I’m not so sure the girl would even believe you if you tried to convince her that you had a shrine to Billy Mays in your home. I would love to see you try to convince her, but something like that would be pretty hard to take seriously. About the beginning of your post, I agree with you somewhat. I wouldn’t talk about infomercials with a girl if the date was going really badly either. I don’t think I’d walk out on her, but I wouldn’t talk about commercials either. There must be a better way than that to salvage a bad date. I would probably just try to find something that she likes talking about and get her to talk for as long as possible. That seems to works sometimes. Daniel Galvis
I’d probably be a little bit turned off by that question but my response would probably be, “Personally I like all of the Billy Mays infomercials but my favorite one would have to be the mighty mend it infomercial. I mean seriously it’s hilarious. I get to watch people trip over their own pants legs and split the back of their pants when they sit down then watch Billy Mays put everything back together. You know it’s not even glue, it’s flexible and it fixes everything. I mean what’s not to love about mighty mend it.” I would probably even throw in a few corny pick up lines. If I wanted to try and fix the date I could say, “You know, I’ll bet mighty mend it could even fix this date. But one thing is for sure there is definitely nothing wrong with you. I could probably use a whole jug of mighty mend it” If I just wanted to end the miserable blind date I would probably say, “Mighty mend it can fix a lot of things but I don’t think it can fix this date. I’m sorry but I definitely don’t think this relationship would ever work. I mean really I don’t think we have anything in common. I’m sorry but I didn’t sign up for this blind date my friends made me do it. Really I’m still not over my ex-girlfriend. It was nice to meet you but this just isn’t going to work out, sorry.
In response to Shannon, The first time I watched the snuggie infomercial I thought, “What a corny infomercial, who would ever buy that.” That was only until a friend of mine got one and I tried it on. I couldn’t believe how comfortable that thing was. Just like you I live in Florida so the AC is always on high in the summer and usually it’s too cold. I’m always struggling to keep blankets wrapped around me but with the snuggie it was too easy. I like the snuggie but I think buying two hundred is going a little bit overboard. They’re not that great.
I totally agree with you Maggie, Vince is hilarious! The slap chop commercial is funny especially with all of the sexual undertones. But I still think you got to go with sham wow. It was the commercial that put Vince on the map. Plus the addition of the not so random people at the flea market make you think that the product is probably a piece of crap. But Vince, in my opinion is the reason that not only the sham wow, but the slap chop are even selling. If Billy Mays or that British dude from Pitchmen wouldn’t of sold as many products as Vince does. His great personality and sexual innuendos make his infomercials completely classic.
I don’t really think I have a favorite infomercial considering I hate TV commercials. But my date is already going bad so I don’t think I could pass up the opportunity to amuse myself and be obnoxious. I would start off by loudly reciting a few lines from a Billy Mays commercial in his larger than life, attention grabbing, obnoxious voice. At that point if my mystery date wasn’t completely mortified I would then proceed to go into extreme detail about my passion for his commercials. I would talk about how much I love everything about him; how I immediately call the number on my screen and order the product he is pitching after I see a new add. Finally if my date was still interested in me at this point, I would start telling my date how I am thinking about pursuing a career in the world of infomercials. I would begin talking about how it has been my dream ever since I first saw Billy Mays and how I think I would be great for the job. As the conversation would advance, if the girl still hadn’t left, I am sure that my ability to be a “pitch man” would come into question. At that point I would begin reciting lines to the entire restaurant pitching something stupid like soap. I would do it so loud and so obnoxiously that my date would have no choice but to leave me in complete embarrassment. And if all that didn’t work I would just go to the bathroom and never come back.
Austin Burr, your post made me laugh out loud. I completely agree with you about the question being a turn off. I also think that the commercial that you refer to in your post is hilarious. It didn't occur to me when I wrote my post about, Billy Mays to include details about this commercial or any others that I found particularly funny. But now that I have read yours I don't think you could have been any more spot on. Watching a whole bunch of people rip their pants in obscure ways immediately followed by, larger than life, Billy Mays fixing them with the Mighty Mend it could not be any funnier. I also like the way you would end your date. The corny Mighty Mend it pick up lines would certainly work to make your date realize that perhaps you are not the right one for them.
“From flat to fabulous!” My favorite infomercial by far, has been Hair Bump it. It has been the funniest thing I have seen in a while! The purpose of bump its is to add a distracting bump on the top of your head that makes you look ridiculous. The infomercial suggests it could be used for “casual or red carpet days” but if I was ever seen in those I would probably look like I have an alien. It makes you look like you have a deformed head. The funny part is the girls in the commercial actually think they look attractive with speed bumps on their head. Or maybe just like most infomercials, they are just all getting paid to look happy and content with a product they have never even used before. I guess it would be appropriate for fancy events. But for a normal day to day hair do it is definitely not. The first time I saw this, I was sitting on the couch with my friend and it totally sucked us in . Every time it comes on I can’t help but laugh and watching the whole thing over and over again. I would think everybody agrees with how ridiculous this hair applicator is, until I went to eat breakfast the other day on campus, and saw a girl wearing a bump it in her hair. I tried to contain my laughter, but I wish I could have taken a snapshot and sent it to my friends.
John McNamara, I loved your blog! It really made me laugh. While most of the other people (including myself) focused on describing the details of a specific infomercial your viewpoint of what talking about infomercials can do to an already failing date was refreshing and funny. I am quite sure that any sane girl would bolt once you started discussing your “passion” for Billy Mayes’s infomercials, I know I would. While I find it somewhat unlikely that someone would ask you to describe a favorite infomercial to begin with your responses seem like a perfect way to end a terrible date. I have to warn you though that the bathroom disappearing trick does not always work out very well. I actually tried it once on a date that one of my friends set me up on and forced me to attend and the guy got so worried that I was gone for so long that he found a female waitress, asked her to check on me for him and waited outside the bathroom for me. So…I would recommend against that particular tactic. But funny post!
I enjoyed reading the first part of your post, because those were my first thoughts upon reading what we had to write about. The only time I catch a glimpse of an infomercial is when I’m flipping through channels or if they come on late at night. I also loved your post, because I actually have a magic bullet at home. When you described being totally convinced this was the greatest item to bought, it reminded me of exactly how I felt upon watching the infomercial. My family was also drawn into this infomercial and I think it is the only thing we’ve ever bought out from an infomercial. I don’t care much for the whole chopped veggies part, but I remember making some pretty delicious smoothies back home. I like the way you incorporated the idea of an infomercial and towards the end gave a sincere apology to why the date didn’t work out , followed by a cute ending.
Kali, I think I would do the same thing and just try to be so weird and for the date to have more of those “awkward” moments so that the guy doesn't want to ask me out again in the future. I think it's funny how you would just run out of wherever you guys might be, while he probably just asks himself “what's the deal with her?” haha. I'm still unsure, I might do the same and just run out at some point with some weird excuse and not give him the chance to ask me anything, or maybe I would just stay there and find a way to just end the date. I would probably try to be as weird as possible and at the end say I can't be dating someone like him because he's like from another planet and I don't get him at all.
Well, to be honest, the question is kind of random, and if it's asked on a date which is not going that well, then I would find it very weird and would probably just want to leave as soon as he finishes asking the question. Since that would be kind of rude I would try to answer the question and then quickly end the date before he gets a chance to ask a completely random question. I would tell him that I don't really watch infomercials, because once I see that one is on I just change the channel. However, the ones I remember the most are the Sham wow, and the Snuggies because every time I would hang out with my boyfriend and we would be flipping through channels he would ALWAYS stop to watch the sham wow one, he said if he had enough money he would probably want to buy it every time that infomercial came on. I found it quite weird, but that's who he is so I got used to it and came to like the infomercial after a time. Apparently in his family they do watch infomercials and every once in a while buy the stuff from there because his mom bought a snuggie from an infomercial and was very pleased with it. You wouldn't see her watching tv on the couch without her cup of tea and her snuggie. They also bought a magic bullet, which I actually found pretty cool. Then I would probably say that I was just trying to meet new people but that I should probably go back to my boyfriend and see that he teaches me how to use the magic bullet he bought.
“I am afraid you must forgive me for my ignorance of infomercials, Madame, but fortunately I am plenty ready to deliver to you an account of their more manifest and makeshift variation. I am talking about garage sales. “Now garage sales, despite the name, are not necessarily held in garages, though a garage is a perfectly fine facility for one. Any tract of land will do. As long as it is in keeping with the slovenly theme of the merchandise, no connoisseur will be dissuaded by any element of industry or commercialism; as long is it maintains the basest interpretation of the maxim, ‘if you build it, they will come,’ they will, in fact, come, with change purses in hand and a lust for junk in the acquisitive spirits. I have passed by, but thankfully not participated in, many a garage sale in my time; I have seen them held in truck beds and snow sleds; gardens and gorges; basements and encasements; parking lots and parking spots; rooftops and roofbottoms; catacombs and honeycombs; temples and trees; streets and stadiums; houses and holes; shacks and racks; coats and moats; just about everywhere short of my own home. There is about as little discretion in the settlement of a barterer’s blanket as there is concern for what is actually being sold. What matters is that they are there, and that you are there, and that you are both witness to the bastard purchases of a promiscuous whim— I say “a” whim because what lies between rueful owner and the boredom-ridden browser is a product of a whim so fleeting that the infirmity of both their memories renders it alien and remote; its origins seemingly unknown and adventitious to both of them. “And, as it so happens, I am quite prepared to trace those origins: “There is novelty in dilapidation, is there not, Madame? In the same sense there is something seducing about the smell of old books, no? The watchers of infomercials know this all too well about their fellow men— that is they identify the trait in themselves as universal— and use it against them. Perhaps I overestimate the cunning of these infomercial watchers; but either way their actions are as follows: They buy things fresh from the television and, whether premeditatedly or not, let them ferment in their basements until the products have assumed the coat of antiquity and decrepit nostalgia. When these things have ripened to their liking, or rather when the domestic impulse to purge and clean shifts within them, they transport their “goods”, with as little direct contact as possible, from their basements to their front yards, and post a sign before them that reads ‘GARAGE SALE’. If it were up to me, I would post a sign that read ‘Shit I regret having bought from infomercials and like marketplaces,’ for it would contain no less element of truth in its message. But fortunately I am not in the unenviable position that they are in. No, I am the casual and captious observer, and must continue with my diatribe.
(cont) “To return to the life of useless junk, it is sold, or erected for the purpose of sale, if it is sunny and if potential customers are roused from their hiding holes by an insect instinct to investigate the source of light. Out they crawl, drowsy from a long night of infomercial watching, beleaguered by shame for having been too timid to CALL NOW, and ready to receive the first opportunity to avenge their previous inaction. Here, here is that opportunity! It is just what they were unintentionally looking for. And these things, they are so old; they must be of value to somebody! There is always the slight promise of profit, if not momentary amusement, is there not? There is always some petty victory to be won out of idleness and indiscretion. “When both the salesman and consumer die, as they inevitably do, and when they bequeath to their children their bygone purchases, there is a final complication, one engendered by the irksome resiliency of the material with which these products made; for most of them are made of plastic, and cannot be burnt without the objection of some importunate environmentalist, be it from without or from within the would-be arsonist. So what do they do? Or rather, what do I recommend they do? I say bury their plastic possessions. That way, thousands of years from now, whatever civilization (or whatever is left of civilization) that is in sway may unearth evidence of the untidiness of their ancestors, and remark how reluctant they were to die without a trace, how desperate they were to be committed to some stranger’s memory by whatever means necessary, in order to secure some vague and pitiful sense of immortality. “Ah, so there you have it, the cause and ultimate result of the viewership of infomercials. And now you know the nature of my ignorance regarding the infomercials themselves; for it was not borne of obliviousness or naivety, as you might have thought, but of scruples too radical for proper explanation in ordinary circumstances. “I thank you for your time, Madame, but I must now bid you goodbye, as I have more important things to attend to than any conversation that might arise from the dull carcass of this one.” “Again, I bid you goodbye, and a happy life to come.”
If I were on a mystery date that was going terribly, I would just make a joke out of the situation so the guy would never want to take me out again. If he asked me what my favorite infomercial was, I would lie and say SNUGGIE! Although I have always wanted to try a snuggie and am actually interested by it, it is not my favorite infomercial and I probably would never buy one. I would tell him how I sit on the couch all the time and jut cuddle up and watch TV. Then I would start talking about how I am a stage five clinger and say how much I like to snuggle with people and act weird. I would say that I am a huge cuddler and that I need a man who will constantly be next to me. Then I would start talking about how much I need my man beside me at all times and know what he is doing at all hours of the day. I would constantly remind him how important it is that I know who he is with, what he is doing, what time he will be home, etc. This way, I would not have to feel bad never going out with him again, because he would not want to go back out with me. Nobody wants a girlfriend who is constantly bugging them and always needs his attention. Although I shouldn’t lie, I know I would never date the guy again so I would at least make the date a little fun.
After reading several of the blogs, I enjoyed Kaley’s post. She was honest with the poor guy and actually had a decent conversation with him. She was very nice and polite to him and enlightened him with her actual favorite infomercial. She talked about the “Magic Bullet” and how it could “chop and shred almost any food material with-in seconds”! She also told the guy how much of a great deal with it since she received five party cups with all different tops for FREE! This way when she has guests over, they can tell the difference between each other’s cups… how handy! My favorite part about Kaley’s post was her honest response at the end. After being nice and having a good conversation with the man, she told the guy the truth and said how she felt they were not compatible, but she had a fun night and goodluck with everything. Hope you have fun using the Magic Bullet, Kaley! :)
Dear Daniel G, Yeah it would be hard to pull off but I think if it was done right it can be done. You would have to stay completely serious and never show a sign of you trying to be funny. But yeah if you pulled that off how funny of a story would that be to tell people. Ha. And what you said about leaving, yeah I don’t know there comes a point where enough is enough. If the infomercial question got brought up early in the convo I would be turned off but I would give her a chance. However, if it was going horrible and then that question came up, I’m sorry but I’m going to get out of there. Is it rude, yeah, would I feel bad, yeah, but seriously I couldn’t put myself through anymore of it. However, I would still find the waiter and pay for the date, if I didn’t that would just be plain wrong.
If I was on a blind date and things started to get sour and all that was on my mind was please when I get home. All I could hope for is when the boy asked me what my favorite infomercial was. I would have to make it as awkward as possible and jump up and say the popular pedegg commercial of course! Pedegg is a small little white device that removes excess dead skin from the foot and is not really a pleasant thing to look at. I would start off my goal by immediately performing the whole commercial from the very startup to the telephone number and credit cards that are accepted that at the very end. As I perform the infomercial I would create little dance hand motions for every time I say feet or pedegg. When I am finished with my superb routine I would begin to go on a tangent about how disgusting my feet were until pedegg came along. I would tell him because I was a dancer I would have to go to the foot doctor multiple times a week where he would have to remove infectious warts, huge calluses, tape of bleeding blisters, and then he would have to give me special creams for my reoccurring ingrown toenails. Then I would lift my foot on to the table and display my foot and whip out my pedegg and show him how it works. There across the table my foot extracts would fly like grated cheese and hopefully land in his meals. I could only hope he would walk out and never talk to me again all because of pedegg.
This is in response to Julia’s blog I loved that you picked the infomercial for snuggies I would probably tell a guy what you said about cuddling if I couldn’t wait to get away from him as well. It reminded me of the big fad that started when they first came out. I remember it was on the comedy shows like The Soup and SNL. I personally don’t understand why these shirts like blankets are so popular with all the different colors and patterns but whatever keeps you warm I guess. Your blog post also reminded me of when I walked into my dorm the first day for rush there my roommate was cuddled in her red snuggie. Although her friends and I constantly make fun of her for it she wears it with pride. She always tells me how she wants the new cheetah one and I think she’s absolutely crazy.
In response to Stephanie's post- I agree with your post about the Bump it. Though some girls may be able to pull the "bump" off very well, it is mostly just a crazy idea. I mean really, why make you head bigger? Girls used to thin their hear to make their head look less big, and here we are putting bumps on the top of our head.
Seeing people with the bump on their head just entertains me, also.
My famiy and I used to joke around about it.My young and naive sister always like the "bump" look. As for me, I always thought it made you look like a dinosaur. Most dinosaurs tend to have a a type of pump on their forhead,the same with dogs. Many people don't tend to agree with me on the whole dinosaur idea but it makes sense in my head, without the bump making it bigger.
“I don’t really have a favorite infomercial. I guess I just don’t really pay too much attention to them. I did see a funny commercial about shamwow the other day though. The guy in the commercial named Vince is actually friends with a lot of my friends from Miami. He is also in the one about the slap chop. Some of the things he says in it just crack me up. Another commercial that I thought was kind of funny was the one about febreeze. In it they have tons of mascots from different football teams. My favorite part of it was when the tiger was standing in the litter box. The other part I found funny was when the donkey mascot tries to dive off a diving board and basically ends up doing a belly flop. The pool part reminds me of the time I tried to do a front flip off of my friend’s diving board. I ended up over-rotating and doing a flip and a half onto my stomach. It left a huge red mark on my stomach for the rest of the day. Well.. I know it our date has been kind of awkward, but it was nice meeting you. I have to go because I forgot I have to pick up my friend from the airport, but maybe we can do this again sometime.” I would leave after I got done talking about my favorite infomercial because it would just be weird and awkward. Haha. I wouldn’t be rude about it though.
My favorite infomercial would havve to be th eBow flex Infomercial with Chuck Norris. First off simply because Chuck Norris is awesome, and secondly because I love to excercise and stay in shape so with this one's role model work out on a Bow flex machine. I also seem to enjoy this specfic infomercial because it is one of the few items that "you see on T.V." that actually work and are reliable. Also since I am on a blind date I would mention this specific infomercial to show the girl that I am fit, care about my person and hygene, and enjoy staying in shape. Hopefully this will spice up the date as we both would hopefully find a click and start forming a relationship. The Bow flex machine is also a great infomercial becuase it is shorter than most others and does not host an annoying announcer, but actually Chuck Norris himself. Also if one is trying to flirt with the other, they could joke about the bowflex and what it does. Overall I just feel that the commercial is awesome and would moswt likely spark a it of romanticism between two soon to be lovers, all thanks to the infamous bowflex infomercial as "as seen on T.V."
That sounds disgusting, haha I have never heard of such a device. to be able to remove dead skin off of one's food is disgusting yet interesting at the same time. Disgusting due to the removal of dead fungal skin yet interesting since one would want to see how the contraption works. It reminds me of the pimple remover they advertise on T.V., The nutrogena one where it literally shakes your skin to remove the pimples. I feel that like the pimple remover, the Peggdeg is stupid and non-compliant with its promise of what it is designed to do.
Well, remember the Oxyclean commercials? Yeah, Those were my favorite infomercials. It always made me wonder if the guy who did those commercial, poor guy dying at his age by the way, ever liked his job. He just sound so obnoxious, kinda like little kids yelling for candy but only it's "buy this new detergent buy this new dishwasher soap!". At least he made it look like he put his heart into his work, I mean it must be very embarrassing yet skillful to pull off each commercial cause all he does is yell, although he probably yelling louder and more repetitive messages of getting people to go his company's product is going to attract customers into wanting to buying. Personally, I would just ignore people who use that advertising method all together. I think only a few people can pull off such a method as a way of advertising to the people and the Oxyclean guy definitely is one of them.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing that what made the Oxyclean guy famous and a very well-known informercial, at least what I have heard, is his renowned mustache and beard. He was also in some beard dying commercial. Or at least some guys that looked like him. I could've swore that he was trying to pull off Chuck Norris's beard, but only what's behind Chuck Norris's beard is not a chin, but another fist.
Well that's what i say about my favorite informercial, even though it was more focused on the guy rather than his commercials. He was still very good at his job, it's only a shame that he died at his age.
Well, if I had to choose I would pick the MAC versus PC infomercial. It’s one of those infomercials that isn’t so boring and is somewhat entertaining. I like how they did a series of those commercials with the same two guys representing Apple and Microsoft and how the PC was depicted as an older overweight male while MAC was a younger more attractive male. With the MAC being more attractive and casually dressed, it made him more appealing to the audience it was capturing, which is us. Also, since the theme of the infomercial was MAC versus PC, the MAC guy was always putting out there that MACs were better than PCs. Even though, I don’t personally think that, the MAC guy always had a valid argument for whatever the PC guy would say. The best aspect of the commercial to me was how the PC guy always put some type of humor into it. Sometimes he would wear a funny outfit or say a humorous pun that would liven the rather dull setting that the infomercial took place in. That setting was probably the one thing I didn’t like about the commercial because it made it not pop out to an audience with the background being this plain white background with just two guys standing around. I think what really makes it my favorite is because it actually stands out in my mind. I can remember some of the topics they discussed like the PCs were slow and how they crashed way more than MACs. But yea, so what is your favorite infomercial?
ReplyDelete-Jennifer McQuiller
So... if you were on a blind date that was going not-so-well and the other person asked this question how do you think you might describe the infomercial? While the commercial IS funny ... do you think you might use this to illustrate/make up some character trait that might cut the date short ...? For example, if your mystery date was clearly NOT into computers -- Mac or PC -- and you started talking about this commercial you could, perhaps, go on and on about your loyalty to one brand or another and completely bore the other person. This would be IF you wanted to end the date early. Or, you could talk about the infomercial in a more animated way, perhaps describing WHY you were watching it in the first place, and try to break the ice by engaging this "mystery date."
ReplyDeleteIn response to the first post -- I your date wasn't going well and you wanted to scare them off perhaps focusing on Chuck Norris and the fist behind the beard could become a good scare tactic.
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ReplyDeleteBy: Kaley
ReplyDeleteI would be honest in my response to the person even thought the date is going terribly. I would tell the person.
"Well, that is a strange question to ask, granted taht I do not watch much TV nor do I sit at home watching infomercials very often in my spare time. However I do have a favorite infomercial. My favorite informercial is the one about the Magic Bullet. I was convinced to buy the Magic Bullet after watching only ten minutes of the informercial. Did you know the Magic Bullet can chop and shred almost any food material with-in seconds? You can make salsa or salad or chop veggies with it all in one. You can also make smoothes and blended beverages with the Magic Bullet. I purchased the product off the informercial and got the deal where you receive five party cups all with different colored tops so you and your friends can tell the cups apart. It is so handy, you should check out the informerical if you are ever at home watching informericals."
I would then tell the person on the date that,
"Although I would love to spend more time discussing bad TV, I don't think we are very compatible. And I cannot see us having much of a future given the apparent evidence that we do not have much in common. So thank you for the evening, good luck in your future.... Im going home to use my handy Magic Bullet."
Kaley-
By: Kaley
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I'm doing this right to respond to some one else Blog but in response to Wayofkon:
Number one, Oxyclean is amazing... I know the infomercial is convincing in itself but listen, I have total faith in Oxyclean. That stuff got black hair dye stains out of my parents white bathroom carpet. My parents did not even know they were there... Saved my but, Good stuff.
I am a bit concerned as to why no one is addressing the issue that if your on a bad date and they start asking you about your favorite infomercial, wouldn't you be like... "REALLY who asks that?" umm I have to go to the bathroom? Or oops, family emergency so sorry, I have to run!
Kaley
Well I would have to say that I would start talking about Sham Wow. I believe his name is Vince, and he had me saying wow every time (not really). I would then start talking like he does and pitch the idea of the date coming home with me. Hopefully, if I do the infomercial well enough, it will annoy my date that not only will I never talk to them again, but I won’t even have to give them a ride home. If all else fails I would start doing a Billy Mays version and seal the deal of them leaving immediately. Although if the date was actually going well then I could just be cheesy and use the whole “I will have you saying wow every time” deal (wink wink). Although now that I think about it if I want them to leave or just be mean to them I would begin to start mentioning a bunch of different diet or exercise commercials. Talk about how much “Nutrisytem” could change their life along with a bowflex or some other exercise scam. If I want to make them jealous I could start talking about how much better the girls looked on the “Flirty Girl Fitness” commercial looked compared to my date and start thinking out loud about ideas that could possibly get me a girl like that, ultimately just to make the girl jealous for being such an awkward blind date.
ReplyDeleteI say “Sham-Wow.” Why, “Because it sells its self!” Not that I’m a big television person, let alone infomercial enthusiast, but this has to be one of the funniest infomercials based upon the way the salesman presents the item. He even explains how “Sham-Wow” was created by Germans and that the Germans “make good stuff.” Good stuff? Like who, Adolf Hitler? Yeah, this probably isn’t one of his better references. Oh, another great aspect about this loud talking, overly obnoxious salesman is his apparent need to beat women. Although the woman he abused just so happened to be a prostitute still doesn’t undermine the fact that he beats women. Then again I didn’t know “lip biting” was one of a prostitute’s qualifications……charming. Anyways, that has to be the most irrelevant question ever asked. I’m pretty sure there is no “How to Survive a Blind Date” book that recommends asking this question. In fact I’ll go as far as to say that a book like that, if it exists, would advise to totally steer clear of even thinking about an infomercial on a blind date. Then again, this ridiculous question did get me to rant and rave for a good 250 words so I guess that “How to Book” should really reconsider. So yeah after I respond to that question I’d probably throw some ridiculous line out like “was your dad a thief?” Hoping that she doesn’t actually say yes to that question and responds “No, why?” I would reveal the ultimate pick-up line by saying “because I think he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.”
ReplyDeleteSean
SNUGGIES!!! Oh my goodness, they are the best inventions! If you think about it, its simply a rob… worn backwards, but really, whoever thought about wearing a backwards robe to keep you warm was GENIOUS!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first saw the infomercial I stared at the TV, aw-struck by this amazing "blanket." Living in Florida, I knew I could use the Snuggies to lay around my house with the AC cranked up high and be completely comfortable. No more desperate attempts to get a blanket to securely wrap around my body. Thus, I immediately called and ordered my Snuggie in neon orange. "But wait there's more!" I got a FREE Snuggie to use while the other one was being washed. My second ordered Snuggie was lime green.
When I finally received the order (the best day of my life), I ripped apart the packaging and tried on my oversized-backwards-robe. I lie on my bed and fell asleep. This was the life, I thought. My friends came over, after I awakened from the best nap of my life. We all took turns wearing the Snuggies. An orange and a lime danced around the room with small heads floating on top of the fruit.
"But wait there is more!" I began to program tapings of the Snuggies infomercials. I watched them in my spare time as I laid in my new leopard print Snuggie next to my Beagle in his Dalmatian-print Snuggie. As my dog, Snuggles (named after the Snuggie), and I watch the infomercials you could feel the strong bond, between us, growing throughout the endless two-minute segments.
I now have all two hundred Snuggie prints. I am trying to double up on the prints. It’s always a great gift (hint hint)!
-Shannon Van Woerden
Hello this is Kali. If I were on a blind date that was going badly I would do as many weird things as possible to freak the guy out. If he were to ask me what my favorite infomercial was I may start out by asking him the origin of the word infomercial to clarify that we are talking about the same thing. In fact I may ask him this same question multiple times, each time insisting that I have never heard of an infomercial. Once he hears that I do not know what an infomercial is he may try and explain it to me, giving me a perfect opening. Once he starts explaining about infomercials I will then act very irritated and threaten to get up from the table and leave. When he asks why and what he has done I will act offended that he thought I did not know what an infomercial was and possibly start either crying or flicking the saltshaker at his face. Then after making him go through all this I will explain that my favorite infomercial is with Billy Mays when he promotes the Awesome Auger. I would ramble on for as long as possible talking as fast as possible about how the scenes outside have the perfect amount of lighting, how the Awesome Auger really is awesome, and how Billy Mays does such a great job selling the product. I will end the conversation by breaking out in tears and telling my date that I am too upset to sit at dinner knowing that Billy Mays is no longer with us, and bolting for the door as fast as I can.
ReplyDeleteDear Sean! HAHAHAHAHA! I love the pick up line. It is so classy. I like it more than the usual “Is there a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants”. I feel like most girls would find this offensive and the poor guy with the good sense of humor may end up with a red handprint across his face for the rest of the day. I feel like using bad pick up lines on a bad blind date may actually bring the two of you together if both had any sort of sense of humor. Or I guess it could also offend the other person and end your bad blind date early. In the end though you could always just say that you have to go to the bathroom and peace out of there. The only thing I would feel bad about would be leaving my date with the check.
ReplyDeleteKali Flood
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever seen the SlapChop infomercial? Honestly, I think that's the best one. Not becuase of the product, but because of everything else! If you're ever on Youtube you should try looking up Slap Chop Remix. The video isn't that great, but the audio is awesome! I would probably listen to it on repeat. By the way, did you know that the TV Pitchman for SlapChop is the same guy for ShamWow? You'd probably know him from that since ShamWow is a little bit more well-known. So anyways, the TV Pitchman's name is Vince Shlomi and he was arrested a couple of months ago because he beat up a hooker who bit his lip when he was trying to kiss her after he paid her one thousand dollars in cash. Isn't that crazy? You should google it. His mugshot is ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteThat is what I would do if the date were going well. Hopefully this humorful aside will help us to be more comfortable with each other, because I feel that I am able to connect more with another person if there is humor involved. If the date were to be horrible and nothing like I planned or expected or if he keeps talking about infomercials, that is when I would know that it is my cue to exit the conversation. I'm not a very assertive person and I would never tell someone straight out that I don't wish to be with them any longer. So I would probably look at my Blackberry, fiddle with it, and pretend like someone is in dire need of my help. Or I'd just pretend that it's gotten to be too late to be out anymore. I would say it's past my curfew. And after I've left the building or general area we were in, I'd heave a sigh of relief.
Shannon, are snuggies really that awesome? The idea of a fuzzy blanket with two holes for arms to go through is kind of weird. If you look at it from the back, it looks a bit absurd because the back is all exposed. And if you think about it some more, a snuggie is somewhat like wearing a robe backwards! In my opinion, snuggies are a ridiculous invention. Not to be hatin' on your favorite thing. I'm just sayin'. But to be more positive about snuggies, I love the colors it comes in! Colors are cool. And I bet the snuggie is really fuzzy. Fuzzy like a slipper. Haha, if you put all of what I said together, I'm comparing a snuggie to a slipper backwards-robe for your entire body! The image that I now have in my head is a very laughable one. Who knew that a snuggie would lead me to think of all of this?
ReplyDeleteDear Kali, your plan is priceless. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised to see it on a sitcom. But I think if I was a girl, whom I assure you I’m not, I would just sit there the whole time, perhaps text a ridiculous amount (probably the most annoying thing on a date), and not say a word. It seems like the guy has to be the one to “break the ice,” or maybe I just feel the need to do it so often that it’s become a habit? Yeah but I love your method of making the guy look like he just broke up with his fiancé in the middle of a public place. It takes a special girl to pull something like that off, well thought out. To be honest your idea of escaping this blind date as scarred me to the point where I’ll probably never go out on one. I guess I should thank you in a way.
ReplyDeleteIf I had to describe my favorite infomercial I would have to choose the slap chop infomercial with “Vince”. This infomercial has some quite humorous parts hidden in its goal of selling you a food chopper, dicer and slicer. Although he is somewhat obnoxious as is the fate of all infomercial salesmen, Vince is still entertaining to watch because of his clever lines such as, “The onions with the skin. Alright, this is making you cry, it's making me cry. Life's hard enough as it is; you don't wanna cry anymore” while he is showing the audience how easy it is to chop onions with the slap chop. It also made me laugh when he demonstrated chopping up nuts and said you’re going to love my nuts...interesting. The combinations of foods that he uses the slap chop on are also rather humorous. He puts boiled egg, pickle, onion, and ham in the slap chop, cuts them up then calls it breakfast to go. I’d be interested to meet someone who would eat chopped up ham egg onion and pickle for breakfast. The catchy slogan of your gonna be in a great mood all day because your gonna be slapping your troubles away is memorable as is Vince’s promise of an exciting life because of the ease of chopping up your food. The computer animation makes me laugh every time. After Vince is done chopping up his odd mixtures of food the creators have added sparkles to the edges of the food as well as arrows in case you weren’t sure where the food ended up. If you haven’t seen this infomercial I recommend watching it on YouTube or any other source, as far as infomercials go it is quite entertaining.
ReplyDeleteWell, if my date asked me what my favorite infomercial was and the date was already going bad I would probably excuse myself to the "bathroom" and never come back. Is it rude yes, but I'm not going to talk about infomercials. However, lets say I had to stay I would say that my favorite infomercial is probably any infomercial with Billy Mays. I would only say that because I want my date to be like what is this guy’s issue. I would start off with something like this….Oh without a doubt it is any thing with my boy Billy Mays. He is so clever with how he delivers his presentation. He makes any product sell with his charm and charisma. I love Billy Mays so much I have every product he has ever sold. Not only that but I have a shrine of him; from a signed picture to his shirt he wore in the espn 360 commercial. I mean after any commercial comes on with him I rush over to the shrine and just sing his praises. I love doing that so sometimes I’ll sit at home all day just to wait for one of his commercials. Now if something like that does not completely turn off my date I’m not sure what else I would do. However with my luck I would be on a date with a legit Billy Mays fan and she would absolutely love to see it. In fact, why don’t I take her back to my place and we can wait for one of his infomercials. Ha yeah right.
ReplyDelete-Nick Sakmar
@katie: I learned something new today from your post. Mentioning Chuck Norris and his chin fist is a good scare tactic. I hope I don't have to use such method for the future. Anyways, Although I haven't seen many MAC vs PC commercials, I seen the one with the PC guy is having a bake sale and the MAC guy comes by and he asked why is the PC is having bake sale. It turns out the PC company is not making enough profit for windows so they decide to have bake sales to help with profits and stocks. MAC guy asks the PC guy if he can buy a cookie, of course the PC guy says yes but he asked for a million dollars per cookie and they just bargain from there.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, Yeah, going on and on about topics that doesn't interest the mystery date whatsoever is a good way to get rid of the date. Guys are usually the ones to "break the ice" in these awkward situations, but that's not always the case. Girls can do the same, but mostly it's with clothes and related work. Just like what Morgan's post (read her post for more info) had with snuggies, I didn't know what they were at first. I thought she was talking about Mr. Snuggles from Snuggles detergent. I have an angry eyes replica of Mr. Snuggles and I'm not ashamed of it because Mr. Snuggles is awesome, just like the carebears.
Nick,
ReplyDeleteThat is a great idea. Hilarious. However, you never know who’s out there. Maybe there is a Billy Mays fan reading this blog right now.
My favorite infomercial would probably be the one for Mighty Putty. That stuff can basically fix anything, and it was incredible that putty could be so strong. I also liked that the commercial showed a lot of different uses for Mighty Putty because it was like they were proving to us that it actually works. Mighty Putty can hold up to three hundred and fifty pounds, which is amazing because of how weak it looks before it gets activated. Also, I liked that it could be used in place of nails and screws. A lot of times, nails and screws can break surfaces such as tiles and glass, but with Mighty Putty, you can put up shelves and towel racks without risking any damages. Mighty Putty can be used to fix holes in walls, cracks in furniture, breaks in ceramic, and basically anything else you can think of. I just love that infomercial because of how versatile that substance is. I wish I knew how it works. And of course, another big plus is that Billy Mays did the commercial. He was so energetic in his commercials that people believed anything he said. He always made every product he advertised sound like the greatest invention ever created. One last thing I loved about those commercials is that they were really well done. Like I said before, the people who made the infomercial showed people many different uses for Mighty Putty. That must have taken time, effort, and some creativity especially when they got a semi-truck to pull a trailer that was connected by Mighty Putty. It was just really well put together if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteDaniel Galvis
Dear Nick S.,
ReplyDeleteThat might be a little over the top, but it would definitely be a funny story to tell your friends. I’m not so sure the girl would even believe you if you tried to convince her that you had a shrine to Billy Mays in your home. I would love to see you try to convince her, but something like that would be pretty hard to take seriously. About the beginning of your post, I agree with you somewhat. I wouldn’t talk about infomercials with a girl if the date was going really badly either. I don’t think I’d walk out on her, but I wouldn’t talk about commercials either. There must be a better way than that to salvage a bad date. I would probably just try to find something that she likes talking about and get her to talk for as long as possible. That seems to works sometimes.
Daniel Galvis
I’d probably be a little bit turned off by that question but my response would probably be, “Personally I like all of the Billy Mays infomercials but my favorite one would have to be the mighty mend it infomercial. I mean seriously it’s hilarious. I get to watch people trip over their own pants legs and split the back of their pants when they sit down then watch Billy Mays put everything back together. You know it’s not even glue, it’s flexible and it fixes everything. I mean what’s not to love about mighty mend it.”
ReplyDeleteI would probably even throw in a few corny pick up lines. If I wanted to try and fix the date I could say, “You know, I’ll bet mighty mend it could even fix this date. But one thing is for sure there is definitely nothing wrong with you. I could probably use a whole jug of mighty mend it”
If I just wanted to end the miserable blind date I would probably say, “Mighty mend it can fix a lot of things but I don’t think it can fix this date. I’m sorry but I definitely don’t think this relationship would ever work. I mean really I don’t think we have anything in common. I’m sorry but I didn’t sign up for this blind date my friends made me do it. Really I’m still not over my ex-girlfriend. It was nice to meet you but this just isn’t going to work out, sorry.
In response to Shannon,
ReplyDeleteThe first time I watched the snuggie infomercial I thought, “What a corny infomercial, who would ever buy that.” That was only until a friend of mine got one and I tried it on. I couldn’t believe how comfortable that thing was. Just like you I live in Florida so the AC is always on high in the summer and usually it’s too cold. I’m always struggling to keep blankets wrapped around me but with the snuggie it was too easy. I like the snuggie but I think buying two hundred is going a little bit overboard. They’re not that great.
I totally agree with you Maggie, Vince is hilarious! The slap chop commercial is funny especially with all of the sexual undertones. But I still think you got to go with sham wow. It was the commercial that put Vince on the map. Plus the addition of the not so random people at the flea market make you think that the product is probably a piece of crap. But Vince, in my opinion is the reason that not only the sham wow, but the slap chop are even selling. If Billy Mays or that British dude from Pitchmen wouldn’t of sold as many products as Vince does. His great personality and sexual innuendos make his infomercials completely classic.
ReplyDeleteI don’t really think I have a favorite infomercial considering I hate TV commercials. But my date is already going bad so I don’t think I could pass up the opportunity to amuse myself and be obnoxious. I would start off by loudly reciting a few lines from a Billy Mays commercial in his larger than life, attention grabbing, obnoxious voice. At that point if my mystery date wasn’t completely mortified I would then proceed to go into extreme detail about my passion for his commercials. I would talk about how much I love everything about him; how I immediately call the number on my screen and order the product he is pitching after I see a new add. Finally if my date was still interested in me at this point, I would start telling my date how I am thinking about pursuing a career in the world of infomercials. I would begin talking about how it has been my dream ever since I first saw Billy Mays and how I think I would be great for the job. As the conversation would advance, if the girl still hadn’t left, I am sure that my ability to be a “pitch man” would come into question. At that point I would begin reciting lines to the entire restaurant pitching something stupid like soap. I would do it so loud and so obnoxiously that my date would have no choice but to leave me in complete embarrassment. And if all that didn’t work I would just go to the bathroom and never come back.
ReplyDeleteAustin Burr, your post made me laugh out loud. I completely agree with you about the question being a turn off. I also think that the commercial that you refer to in your post is hilarious. It didn't occur to me when I wrote my post about, Billy Mays to include details about this commercial or any others that I found particularly funny. But now that I have read yours I don't think you could have been any more spot on. Watching a whole bunch of people rip their pants in obscure ways immediately followed by, larger than life, Billy Mays fixing them with the Mighty Mend it could not be any funnier. I also like the way you would end your date. The corny Mighty Mend it pick up lines would certainly work to make your date realize that perhaps you are not the right one for them.
ReplyDelete“From flat to fabulous!” My favorite infomercial by far, has been Hair Bump it. It has been the funniest thing I have seen in a while! The purpose of bump its is to add a distracting bump on the top of your head that makes you look ridiculous. The infomercial suggests it could be used for “casual or red carpet days” but if I was ever seen in those I would probably look like I have an alien. It makes you look like you have a deformed head. The funny part is the girls in the commercial actually think they look attractive with speed bumps on their head. Or maybe just like most infomercials, they are just all getting paid to look happy and content with a product they have never even used before. I guess it would be appropriate for fancy events. But for a normal day to day hair do it is definitely not. The first time I saw this, I was sitting on the couch with my friend and it totally sucked us in . Every time it comes on I can’t help but laugh and watching the whole thing over and over again. I would think everybody agrees with how ridiculous this hair applicator is, until I went to eat breakfast the other day on campus, and saw a girl wearing a bump it in her hair. I tried to contain my laughter, but I wish I could have taken a snapshot and sent it to my friends.
ReplyDeleteJohn McNamara, I loved your blog! It really made me laugh. While most of the other people (including myself) focused on describing the details of a specific infomercial your viewpoint of what talking about infomercials can do to an already failing date was refreshing and funny. I am quite sure that any sane girl would bolt once you started discussing your “passion” for Billy Mayes’s infomercials, I know I would. While I find it somewhat unlikely that someone would ask you to describe a favorite infomercial to begin with your responses seem like a perfect way to end a terrible date. I have to warn you though that the bathroom disappearing trick does not always work out very well. I actually tried it once on a date that one of my friends set me up on and forced me to attend and the guy got so worried that I was gone for so long that he found a female waitress, asked her to check on me for him and waited outside the bathroom for me. So…I would recommend against that particular tactic. But funny post!
ReplyDeleteKaley:
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading the first part of your post, because those were my first thoughts upon reading what we had to write about. The only time I catch a glimpse of an infomercial is when I’m flipping through channels or if they come on late at night. I also loved your post, because I actually have a magic bullet at home. When you described being totally convinced this was the greatest item to bought, it reminded me of exactly how I felt upon watching the infomercial. My family was also drawn into this infomercial and I think it is the only thing we’ve ever bought out from an infomercial. I don’t care much for the whole chopped veggies part, but I remember making some pretty delicious smoothies back home. I like the way you incorporated the idea of an infomercial and towards the end gave a sincere apology to why the date didn’t work out , followed by a cute ending.
Kali, I think I would do the same thing and just try to be so weird and for the date to have more of those “awkward” moments so that the guy doesn't want to ask me out again in the future. I think it's funny how you would just run out of wherever you guys might be, while he probably just asks himself “what's the deal with her?” haha. I'm still unsure, I might do the same and just run out at some point with some weird excuse and not give him the chance to ask me anything, or maybe I would just stay there and find a way to just end the date. I would probably try to be as weird as possible and at the end say I can't be dating someone like him because he's like from another planet and I don't get him at all.
ReplyDelete-Ana Martinez
Well, to be honest, the question is kind of random, and if it's asked on a date which is not going that well, then I would find it very weird and would probably just want to leave as soon as he finishes asking the question. Since that would be kind of rude I would try to answer the question and then quickly end the date before he gets a chance to ask a completely random question. I would tell him that I don't really watch infomercials, because once I see that one is on I just change the channel. However, the ones I remember the most are the Sham wow, and the Snuggies because every time I would hang out with my boyfriend and we would be flipping through channels he would ALWAYS stop to watch the sham wow one, he said if he had enough money he would probably want to buy it every time that infomercial came on. I found it quite weird, but that's who he is so I got used to it and came to like the infomercial after a time. Apparently in his family they do watch infomercials and every once in a while buy the stuff from there because his mom bought a snuggie from an infomercial and was very pleased with it. You wouldn't see her watching tv on the couch without her cup of tea and her snuggie. They also bought a magic bullet, which I actually found pretty cool. Then I would probably say that I was just trying to meet new people but that I should probably go back to my boyfriend and see that he teaches me how to use the magic bullet he bought.
ReplyDeleteAna Martinez
“I am afraid you must forgive me for my ignorance of infomercials, Madame, but fortunately I am plenty ready to deliver to you an account of their more manifest and makeshift variation. I am talking about garage sales.
ReplyDelete“Now garage sales, despite the name, are not necessarily held in garages, though a garage is a perfectly fine facility for one. Any tract of land will do. As long as it is in keeping with the slovenly theme of the merchandise, no connoisseur will be dissuaded by any element of industry or commercialism; as long is it maintains the basest interpretation of the maxim, ‘if you build it, they will come,’ they will, in fact, come, with change purses in hand and a lust for junk in the acquisitive spirits. I have passed by, but thankfully not participated in, many a garage sale in my time; I have seen them held in truck beds and snow sleds; gardens and gorges; basements and encasements; parking lots and parking spots; rooftops and roofbottoms; catacombs and honeycombs; temples and trees; streets and stadiums; houses and holes; shacks and racks; coats and moats; just about everywhere short of my own home. There is about as little discretion in the settlement of a barterer’s blanket as there is concern for what is actually being sold. What matters is that they are there, and that you are there, and that you are both witness to the bastard purchases of a promiscuous whim— I say “a” whim because what lies between rueful owner and the boredom-ridden browser is a product of a whim so fleeting that the infirmity of both their memories renders it alien and remote; its origins seemingly unknown and adventitious to both of them.
“And, as it so happens, I am quite prepared to trace those origins:
“There is novelty in dilapidation, is there not, Madame? In the same sense there is something seducing about the smell of old books, no? The watchers of infomercials know this all too well about their fellow men— that is they identify the trait in themselves as universal— and use it against them. Perhaps I overestimate the cunning of these infomercial watchers; but either way their actions are as follows: They buy things fresh from the television and, whether premeditatedly or not, let them ferment in their basements until the products have assumed the coat of antiquity and decrepit nostalgia. When these things have ripened to their liking, or rather when the domestic impulse to purge and clean shifts within them, they transport their “goods”, with as little direct contact as possible, from their basements to their front yards, and post a sign before them that reads ‘GARAGE SALE’. If it were up to me, I would post a sign that read ‘Shit I regret having bought from infomercials and like marketplaces,’ for it would contain no less element of truth in its message. But fortunately I am not in the unenviable position that they are in. No, I am the casual and captious observer, and must continue with my diatribe.
(cont)
ReplyDelete“To return to the life of useless junk, it is sold, or erected for the purpose of sale, if it is sunny and if potential customers are roused from their hiding holes by an insect instinct to investigate the source of light. Out they crawl, drowsy from a long night of infomercial watching, beleaguered by shame for having been too timid to CALL NOW, and ready to receive the first opportunity to avenge their previous inaction. Here, here is that opportunity! It is just what they were unintentionally looking for. And these things, they are so old; they must be of value to somebody! There is always the slight promise of profit, if not momentary amusement, is there not? There is always some petty victory to be won out of idleness and indiscretion.
“When both the salesman and consumer die, as they inevitably do, and when they bequeath to their children their bygone purchases, there is a final complication, one engendered by the irksome resiliency of the material with which these products made; for most of them are made of plastic, and cannot be burnt without the objection of some importunate environmentalist, be it from without or from within the would-be arsonist. So what do they do? Or rather, what do I recommend they do? I say bury their plastic possessions. That way, thousands of years from now, whatever civilization (or whatever is left of civilization) that is in sway may unearth evidence of the untidiness of their ancestors, and remark how reluctant they were to die without a trace, how desperate they were to be committed to some stranger’s memory by whatever means necessary, in order to secure some vague and pitiful sense of immortality.
“Ah, so there you have it, the cause and ultimate result of the viewership of infomercials. And now you know the nature of my ignorance regarding the infomercials themselves; for it was not borne of obliviousness or naivety, as you might have thought, but of scruples too radical for proper explanation in ordinary circumstances.
“I thank you for your time, Madame, but I must now bid you goodbye, as I have more important things to attend to than any conversation that might arise from the dull carcass of this one.”
“Again, I bid you goodbye, and a happy life to come.”
Julia Gordon
ReplyDeleteIf I were on a mystery date that was going terribly, I would just make a joke out of the situation so the guy would never want to take me out again. If he asked me what my favorite infomercial was, I would lie and say SNUGGIE! Although I have always wanted to try a snuggie and am actually interested by it, it is not my favorite infomercial and I probably would never buy one. I would tell him how I sit on the couch all the time and jut cuddle up and watch TV. Then I would start talking about how I am a stage five clinger and say how much I like to snuggle with people and act weird. I would say that I am a huge cuddler and that I need a man who will constantly be next to me. Then I would start talking about how much I need my man beside me at all times and know what he is doing at all hours of the day. I would constantly remind him how important it is that I know who he is with, what he is doing, what time he will be home, etc. This way, I would not have to feel bad never going out with him again, because he would not want to go back out with me. Nobody wants a girlfriend who is constantly bugging them and always needs his attention. Although I shouldn’t lie, I know I would never date the guy again so I would at least make the date a little fun.
Julia Gordon
ReplyDeleteAfter reading several of the blogs, I enjoyed Kaley’s post. She was honest with the poor guy and actually had a decent conversation with him. She was very nice and polite to him and enlightened him with her actual favorite infomercial. She talked about the “Magic Bullet” and how it could “chop and shred almost any food material with-in seconds”! She also told the guy how much of a great deal with it since she received five party cups with all different tops for FREE! This way when she has guests over, they can tell the difference between each other’s cups… how handy! My favorite part about Kaley’s post was her honest response at the end. After being nice and having a good conversation with the man, she told the guy the truth and said how she felt they were not compatible, but she had a fun night and goodluck with everything. Hope you have fun using the Magic Bullet, Kaley! :)
Dear Daniel G,
ReplyDeleteYeah it would be hard to pull off but I think if it was done right it can be done. You would have to stay completely serious and never show a sign of you trying to be funny. But yeah if you pulled that off how funny of a story would that be to tell people. Ha. And what you said about leaving, yeah I don’t know there comes a point where enough is enough. If the infomercial question got brought up early in the convo I would be turned off but I would give her a chance. However, if it was going horrible and then that question came up, I’m sorry but I’m going to get out of there. Is it rude, yeah, would I feel bad, yeah, but seriously I couldn’t put myself through anymore of it. However, I would still find the waiter and pay for the date, if I didn’t that would just be plain wrong.
If I was on a blind date and things started to get sour and all that was on my mind was please when I get home. All I could hope for is when the boy asked me what my favorite infomercial was. I would have to make it as awkward as possible and jump up and say the popular pedegg commercial of course! Pedegg is a small little white device that removes excess dead skin from the foot and is not really a pleasant thing to look at.
ReplyDeleteI would start off my goal by immediately performing the whole commercial from the very startup to the telephone number and credit cards that are accepted that at the very end. As I perform the infomercial I would create little dance hand motions for every time I say feet or pedegg. When I am finished with my superb routine I would begin to go on a tangent about how disgusting my feet were until pedegg came along. I would tell him because I was a dancer I would have to go to the foot doctor multiple times a week where he would have to remove infectious warts, huge calluses, tape of bleeding blisters, and then he would have to give me special creams for my reoccurring ingrown toenails. Then I would lift my foot on to the table and display my foot and whip out my pedegg and show him how it works. There across the table my foot extracts would fly like grated cheese and hopefully land in his meals. I could only hope he would walk out and never talk to me again all because of pedegg.
- Jackie Sonin
This is in response to Julia’s blog
ReplyDeleteI loved that you picked the infomercial for snuggies I would probably tell a guy what you said about cuddling if I couldn’t wait to get away from him as well.
It reminded me of the big fad that started when they first came out. I remember it was on the comedy shows like The Soup and SNL. I personally don’t understand why these shirts like blankets are so popular with all the different colors and patterns but whatever keeps you warm I guess. Your blog post also reminded me of when I walked into my dorm the first day for rush there my roommate was cuddled in her red snuggie. Although her friends and I constantly make fun of her for it she wears it with pride. She always tells me how she wants the new cheetah one and I think she’s absolutely crazy.
- Jackie Sonin
In response to Stephanie's post-
ReplyDeleteI agree with your post about the Bump it.
Though some girls may be able to pull the "bump" off very well, it is mostly just a crazy idea. I mean really, why make you head bigger? Girls used to thin their hear to make their head look less big, and here we are putting bumps on the top of our head.
Seeing people with the bump on their head just entertains me, also.
My famiy and I used to joke around about it.My young and naive sister always like the "bump" look. As for me, I always thought it made you look like a dinosaur. Most dinosaurs tend to have a a type of pump on their forhead,the same with dogs. Many people don't tend to agree with me on the whole dinosaur idea but it makes sense in my head, without the bump making it bigger.
Last post by : Shannon Van Woerden
ReplyDelete“I don’t really have a favorite infomercial. I guess I just don’t really pay too much attention to them. I did see a funny commercial about shamwow the other day though. The guy in the commercial named Vince is actually friends with a lot of my friends from Miami. He is also in the one about the slap chop. Some of the things he says in it just crack me up. Another commercial that I thought was kind of funny was the one about febreeze. In it they have tons of mascots from different football teams. My favorite part of it was when the tiger was standing in the litter box. The other part I found funny was when the donkey mascot tries to dive off a diving board and basically ends up doing a belly flop. The pool part reminds me of the time I tried to do a front flip off of my friend’s diving board. I ended up over-rotating and doing a flip and a half onto my stomach. It left a huge red mark on my stomach for the rest of the day. Well.. I know it our date has been kind of awkward, but it was nice meeting you. I have to go because I forgot I have to pick up my friend from the airport, but maybe we can do this again sometime.” I would leave after I got done talking about my favorite infomercial because it would just be weird and awkward. Haha. I wouldn’t be rude about it though.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite infomercial would havve to be th eBow flex Infomercial with Chuck Norris. First off simply because Chuck Norris is awesome, and secondly because I love to excercise and stay in shape so with this one's role model work out on a Bow flex machine. I also seem to enjoy this specfic infomercial because it is one of the few items that "you see on T.V." that actually work and are reliable. Also since I am on a blind date I would mention this specific infomercial to show the girl that I am fit, care about my person and hygene, and enjoy staying in shape. Hopefully this will spice up the date as we both would hopefully find a click and start forming a relationship. The Bow flex machine is also a great infomercial becuase it is shorter than most others and does not host an annoying announcer, but actually Chuck Norris himself.
ReplyDeleteAlso if one is trying to flirt with the other, they could joke about the bowflex and what it does. Overall I just feel that the commercial is awesome and would moswt likely spark a it of romanticism between two soon to be lovers, all thanks to the infamous bowflex infomercial as "as seen on T.V."
In response to Jackie's Peggdeg commercial -
ReplyDeleteThat sounds disgusting, haha I have never heard of such a device. to be able to remove dead skin off of one's food is disgusting yet interesting at the same time. Disgusting due to the removal of dead fungal skin yet interesting since one would want to see how the contraption works. It reminds me of the pimple remover they advertise on T.V., The nutrogena one where it literally shakes your skin to remove the pimples. I feel that like the pimple remover, the Peggdeg is stupid and non-compliant with its promise of what it is designed to do.